Since I have been a child I have felt different. Sometimes it seemed to me like I am not even from this world. An outsider. I was an incredibly self confident teenager who refused to please anyone. However, losing lots of connections at the same time as moving out of my parents' house I went into survival mode.
As all human beings I felt a deep need to belong. Unaware, I started to bend and stretch, trying to get people to like me. I began to look for love in all the wrong places and I started to dislike myself. I was considered too strong, too independent, too nice, too much. After I was left in the shattered mirror of the umpteenth broken relationship shortly before I turned 30, I realized that I needed some help.
I had a good life. I had a wonderful, incredible childhood, full of sweet memories, beautiful moments and amazing rituals. I don’t have any big trauma, I was never lacking anything. Yet, I was unhappy. I felt deeply sad, lonely and as if life had happened to me. I was longing for this feeling of home, always on the search. On my journey inwards I discovered who I really am behind the layers of conditioning and I finally left my cocoon when Covid hit.
Words have always been my passion. As a teenager I started to write poetry, pouring my heart out on paper about the injustices of the world, love and nature. When I was in 9th grade, my life shifted. From the moment I heard Shakespeare’s words on stage, my heart started to beat in rhythm with the iambic pentameters, reactivating a memory deep inside my soul. Once I experienced that even music could join in, it was clear for me that my life needs to be filled to the brim with words, music and theater. Thus I aimed for a job at the theater, and although theater never turned out to be my main job, it was always woven into the tapestry of my work.
Life guided me towards a teaching job where I mostly taught students with learning difficulties and challenging social backgrounds. Knowing that this wasn’t my true calling, I still loved being witness to the transformation in students, especially when they were deciding to take on the challenge and show themselves on stage. I enjoyed honest, truthful and vulnerable conversations with students and found myself rather to be coaching than teaching. I was learning as much from them as they were learning from me.
In the solitude of Covid lockdown I suddenly heard my soul’s voice calling me loudly. A poem shared on Instagram by a familiar soul reminded me that I am already love and I rediscovered my love for poetry. Slowly I learned who I really am and I realized that with every crossroad and U-turn on my life’s journey I had imperceptibly collected everything I needed to know how to fulfil my soul’s purpose.
Here I am again. At the edge of a cliff into the mysterious unknown. This time I know how to create. This time I know what I am capable of, what we all are capable of. I never stopped believing in my dreams and slowly they are taking form. I am having so much fun on the way.
I am truly enjoying this process of becoming.
On my way I have rediscovered the deep love that I want to share with the world. After awakening to see my life being a theater of imitation I am now eager to unleash the innate creative power inside me, creating a ripple of inspiration and the remembrance of our greatness for others.